Now mark this

I remember my mother saying she was happiest when we were little, although she qualified that by saying it was a high level of general happpiness, a plateau. I must have been about seventeen when I asked her, and now I find myself looking back and seeing that the golden time for me was - when the children were little! More specifically: at Park Village, when we had Felix, we were all well, and the whole, proper household revolved around extended family living. We had plenty of work but we weren't driven, I had plenty of help and company so I could keep a very open house, with guests and family and passers through. I think the apotheosis was one summer when we always seemed to have ten or twelve to dinner, and it always seemed to be on the long terrace outside, with the children free in the garden below, living transformed into the divine. Weave a circle round me thrice, and close your eyes with holy dread.

I do experience more bliss now, and quite reliably; I am bletting nicely before final liquefaction.

Norma has sent me the draft of her proposed kitchen so I have printed it out to mull over. I gorge on three-dimensional thinking, but it has less colour than the glorious rough and tumble of family living. Order needs chaos.