Tuesday, December 27, 2005

'M Bored

Want to return to the bread and butter of life after too much cake.

I could write a theoretical ad for Pacific Sun, Marin, or other vehicle. I so enjoy the Zen non-verbal mind of sewing . A wonderful, tactile three-dimensional puzzle that I get paid for.

From an email to Norma:

"We had joint revels yesterday, with two cakes, one lemon drizzle, one chocolate, seafood crepes, the best buns (bread machine), mini quiches and I forgot the smoked salmon but we were all stuffed anyway.

So now my youngest – my youngest! - is 20, and Stefan is in his 70th year. He has been saying over the past few days, ‘Three! We have three children!’ Well, I think it is a perfectly wonderful thing to stand amazed at, and as we drove back from the party yesterday we were thanking whatever gods may be that they are all healthy, straight and flourishing. A good state of mind for him to be in, when I think of the depths to which past birthdays have plunged him."

"Out of the night that covers me
Black as the pit from pole to pole
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul."

An attitude to cultivate.

So back to the issue, I'm bored. Maybe I would be perfectly satisfied to lie on a sofa and watch the rain until its time to play scrabble with Jane. Could I start a new album? do yoga? tidy my sock drawer? PUT TOGETHER THE PICTURE FRAMES!

Could also ring the roofer, two buckets are not enough.

Friday, December 23, 2005


Like being caught looking through someone else's bathroom cabinet: Will told Eva I was reading her blog, and that Granny was reading her blog. How do I know? Well, she blogged it....

Thank heavens she doesn't go in for icky lurve details.

Bet she can't find this though. Not that she'd be looking.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

The Dark Side

I suppose there had to be a reaction. Part of it is that I am so territorial that having the Monster invade my house to view rushes fills me with fury and panic. I have negotiated every second day, to make it bearable. I lock the door too, you'd think he'd get the hint. If he is what we have to work with, we find ways to make it work and not take it personally.

End result, feeling a bit barricaded, which puts a slow leak into euphoria. Shucks.

To Sheila:
"I always feel a secret sense of comfort after the solstice, so I can face Christmas with equanimity! Well, I try to, and this year might succeed. We are having a family/birthdays gathering 26th for everything, so I hope it works. I have alternate fantasies for the perfect Christmas, one is in a snow-bound lodge in Lake Tahoe with EVERYBODY there, and the other is creeping away to Costa Rica. Meanwhile I have much better mastery of the wood-burning stove and can keep it smouldering all night now, and I just love its cheerful presence. The grass on the hills looks like green velvet, impossibly Tele-Tubby."

Loads of little things to do. At least I have vacuumed. Can't sleep well right now.

My alternate self bought a lodge on the north side of Lake Tahoe yesterday, complete with Aga. The next door neighbour has horses and I let him graze them on our land. I equipped the whole kitchen from Williams Sonoma and Dean and Deluca.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

jingle horse

I am coping with unnatural emotions right now, is this the Republic of Heaven come to earth? I choke up for When a Child is Born and have constant carolling in my head, favourite being Jingle Bell Rock. “Stop the Christmas songs!” Stefan moaned, so I had to ring Cissy and we stealthily sang “Giddy-up jingle horse/ pick up your feet” to get the fix.

Before I die, I want to go riding in a one-horse sleigh.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Ho ho ho

What is wrong with me? I have always been the spirit of Scrooge, and Christmas filled me with inconsolable grief, yet here I am singing here come Santy Claus here come Santy Claus... too many amino acids?

Here (to avoid typing it out again) is a section of my email to Paddy. Notice how chirpy it is:
"My goodness, I am almost looking forward to Christmas this year! Could it be because we are having Christmas lunch at the Olema Inn?

Yesterday we had a lovely day and I realised, as I was sitting knitting a little jumper for Zany’s son Lyle (3), watching ‘Ladies in Lavender’ on the big screen with the fire puttering gently and a fruit cake for Dan Dunphy (Stefan’s doctor and a friend) in the oven, that this is my idea of happiness. I had delivered a finished sofa slipcover that morning and he was delighted (me too), that is $800 for 15 hours work including shopping and quoting. Not bad! I will do more, need some outreach.

Cissy dropped her final essays into university in the morning and came over at sunset to show Stefan her smart new short haircut and sit by the fire, she held the skein for me while I wound the ball, timeless. She just looks so good, but I pulled back her jacket at the waist to show her how spectacular it looks when things FIT!! ‘I think it makes my hips look big’ she said. Really! She is very slim, she says it is no effort, she is happy and occupied, not exactly looking forward to Christmas but she has it in hand.

Felix had his final exam. He also said he has earned more in two days at Nordstrom than he did in the last two weeks at Guerrilla, so he is on his way to paying off his credit card debt. His grandfather would turn in his grave.

I am such a total mummy, hopelessly domesticated. I have even largely given up my contact lenses in favour of bifocals. Versace bifocals mind you, but still, specs.

All this euphoria might also be because I am back in my own bed again after a lovely visit from Judith Foster, she is staying with June at Chinaman’s now so you might see her if Norma does some networking. I really love Judith and we had a great time – and she cheered Stefan up no end too! - but there is deep luxury getting back to my own darling beddy-bed-bed."

Still, I'd rather be happy than not, no matter how suspect.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

First blog

I think we blog because we want to to be known, understood and loved. Disclosure and anonymity at the same time, without having to argue, what a relief. Nobody gets hurt.

And it's all about me, my thoughts, my opinions, Lear howling to the wind.

I filled in a great long section for a Friend's Amazon Wish List, honed it, polished it til it reflected a very flattering self, then kicked the power strip in my excitement and lost the lot. Did it again, but this time my Interests, my Books and my Movies saved, but not my Music or my Outline. I decided *God* was telling me to let it go. Was it too pompous, self-serving or offensive? Will I gain insight speculating? It could go either way.

The blog attraction is the possibility of honesty. The king has asses ears. the possibilities are endless.